Welcome to Esther's Blog

Welcome to Esther's Blog

The World According to Esther

TOMORROW.. tomorrow, I love you…

You’re only a day a way..  well, plus a few hours since I’m scheduled at 3:45pm!!
But it’s finally here!!
Tomorrow is the big day.. the ostomy reversal, or “takedown” as I’ve heard it called.
I know I’ve been sorta quiet these last months. I’m not going to lie, it’s been some hard moments.  And some less hard..  and I learned a lot.. about strength and patience and grief and frustration. I claimed unicorn spirit animal. Powerful, Standing in the light and  gaining strength from inner fire and shimmering hope.

Now  26 hours before this last surgery, I’m still in the processing mode of the last four months..  processing what life was.. my body,  my emotional spirit. . What I was able to do, and not able to do.  If in the last months you were one of the folks who asked me how I was, I am 98% sure you heard some sort of “I really want a tomato.” or “I can’t wait for a salad”   There was so much more… it’s hard to put into words..  so I’m working on it, and  I promise to share later when I have it more in an order that is understandable. I haven’t even quite gotten there myself yet.  But really.. I can’t wait for that first farmers market tomato…

img_4016And I’m working on not trying to come up with “what is going to come”.. because that is the totally unknown. How my body will respond to the Humeria. What food will be tolerable and no longer..   How weight will come on and off.. and how hard I’ll have to work to stay in a place I want to be. What will be my stamina for working out, yoga, teaching, travel?  When will I be able to card batts, spin yarn? Will being on the drugs again sap my creative spirit like it did last time?  How long will it take to come back this time?  I know that the “new normal” of what is beyond the next few weeks just has to come in its time.

20170924_141416And so in these tense moments today, I close my eyes and take myself back to my most happy places… Tree Pose o a rock, feeling the energy flow through me, with my friends in Northern California…  Hanging out listening to jazz with my friends in Colorado…… Hanging out with my husband watching episodes of New Girl and laughing until we cry.   This fills my soul today. Spending time with people I love. Laughing, enjoying music and food… creating together, teaching together, sharing our lives. As I got to the hospital for this last journey, I am so blessed to have all I do. I’ll also have medical bills forever..  but hey, balance comes with everything.. there’s no good without having to pay for it.   And I’m ok with paying that debt, for the chance to have a life to live.

26116349_10212603805788602_5034499959562629908_oSO… tomorrow 3:45pm. Duke Hospital. The surgeon is predicting about 2.5 hours for the procedure, then 3 days in the hospital. I have a very serious 6-8 weeks off my feet as this recovery,  it is imperative that I let my abdominal wall heal slowly,  because I could easily get a hernia if I do too much. And as I have yoga teacher training beginning at the end of August, as difficult as it is going to be to be couch bound for another stint.. I know it’s the end of this journey and I’ve made it this far…   so one more stroll though the field of poppies and I can finally walk into the light, and turn the page. As this chapter  will have finally ended.

SO.. watch the facebook page for updates. I will post when I’m awake from surgery and keep everyone up to date the progress as I go.
The youcaring site that Ashley made for me, she has so kindly kept updated. So as always I am eternally grateful for all the help everyone has given. And the meals that showed up last time, without a name of who sent them.. you don’t even know. And I’ve gotten boxes of my medical tape and coloring books from amazon.. and yarn and fiber to spin and weave..   Truly there are no words for the amount of love I have for all of you.. for giving me the strength to get through this…
So here I go..  see everyone when humpty dumpty has finally gotten her tomato.